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A Letter To The Survivors...

3/27/2018

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Dear You,

Another story from yet another victim of sexual assault being hashtagged with #MeToo. It seems every day there is a new story from a new victim who chose to recount the horrific details of their sexual assault to the world. Another person, who like you, is still here struggling to live his/her best life. Another survivor who was taken advantage of by either someone they knew or didn't know. Someone who chose to prey on them to fulfill some sick twisted fantasy. Them. 

The crazy thing is sexual assault is more prevalent than they'll let on. You may not know it but there are probably people in your circles and families who have endured some form of sexual assault. For some reason in the African-American community this is another thing we like to sweep under the rug and pray away. We discount it as Uncle/Brother/Cousin/Momma's Boyfriend (or whoever) was just playing, has a mental illness, you were being fast, or they're being lied on. It is actions and ish such as this that numb us to being loved, keep us in situations and relationships that mean us no good, that have us searching for a savior for our inner child who lost its innocence. We celebrate entertainment and actions that promote rape culture. We are numb to the boyfriend or husband that won't take no for an answer. We're numb to the boss or professor who demands we sleep with them or perform sexual acts just to be promoted. We overdose on drugs, alcohol, sex, or work to try and forget.

But sis, I want you to know until we life the blame we place on ourselves and place it rightfully at our aggressor's feet; we will never be truly free. While you may not want to share your story, know that I understand, you can still help both yourself and others by sharing the stories of others and resources that can help. Parents, check with your children. Stop being so trusting of everyone. Stop letting your children attend sleepovers at everyone's house. Educate them on the proper names for their genitals. Talk with them about the proper way to touch others and what it means to be touched inappropriately and who can/should be allowed to touch them. Oh and if y'all don't stop letting your children sit on people's laps. UGH! Also equally important, sis get some counseling. Know that it is okay to say no. Fully understand that you do not have to share your body with anyone that you don't want. No one can make you feel pressured for whatever reason to give up your body under duress. Leave that significant other who disrespects both you and  your body. Tell that boss to shove that promotion and tell that foolishness to your lawyer. 

Listen...You are here. You are enough. You are loved. You didn't/don't deserve it. You didn't ask for it. You are WHOLE. You are beautiful. Again, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are plenty victors out there just like you. Remember that help is available through various organizations that have trained professionals who can assist you, someone you know, or just be a listening ear. In addition to us doing better, we must help others strive to do so as well, sis. For me, #MeToo is not just a hashtag. It's a movement. One that's long overdue, but I'm glad Tarana Burke had the gumption to start this movement and I pledge to do my part with furthering the empowerment of all victors and survivors. 

Get Help: 
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673
Online Chat


Me Too Movement Website
Me Too Movement

National Sexual Violence Resource Center
​Directory of National Organizations


You Are Not Alone,


Charli #MeToo
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Invest In Yourself, Sis!  It’s Necessary!

3/16/2018

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Listen, I went to see “Black Panther” twice!  I am considering going a third time to see it in 3 D with my nephew--*Wakanda Forever*.  Watching the reported numbers so far--$1 globally  the last I checked—is blowing my mind!   With “Black Panther” absolutely smashing the box office, sis, you have to rethink investing!  Investing is simply another way of supporting the things you love, use, or buy into as a stakeholder, as opposed to a consumer.

I have spoken to several friends and family about investing.  The feedback has been very interesting. A majority of the feedback has been that many people are interested in investing, but are not sure how to get started, what kind of information they need to get started.  Today, you’re in luck, sis! We are going to hand out some. Sis, sit back and let me tell you some things about investing to get you started on the path!
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Bend, but Never Break…but Also Never Heal!

3/7/2018

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“Bend as much as you need, even til your nose touches the floor, keep bending, but don’t break.”  Someone said this, and I readily agreed with it, after all, I was always told to never break no matter how bad things get, don’t break.  That statement has played in my head over and over again, to the point it started to nag at me. Why not break? If you’ve done all you can do to stand under the pressures of life and the only relief you can get is to break, then why not?  If you are constantly bending or straining to stay strong can that not eventually ‘kill you’, after all they say that “stress kills”. So why not break? If one breaks, is that not the same as just letting go? I guess it depends on how you want to look at it.  

If a bone breaks, it will often heal on its own…yea look it up.  The break may take 3 weeks, 6 weeks, or even 10 weeks or more to heal – the point is, most of the time, it does heal normally.  Bending, but never breaking will never give you the opportunity to start healing, or for that matter, stand straight…it only allows you to keep taking on more and more stress.  Someone will say, well Phoenix, not all breaks heal, and that I will say is partially true. All breaks do not heal in a way that you will be the same…sometimes you are never the same after a break, but is that necessarily a bad thing?  I guess if you break a leg and you were a runner, then maybe a break that does not heal “correctly” could be a bad thing…right? Or if you break your arm and the healing causes you to lose a baseball scholarship, that can be seen as a bad break…literally.  However, it is still a matter of perspective. In life, when you trust that all things happen for a reason, or all things happen for the good of the world, then it may stand to reason a break was meant to happen or was needed to happen to make a difference on a larger scale.  That break may have been needed to prepare you to help someone else…to increase your compassion for others that are going through difficult times…to put you on a path to finally see your hopes, dreams, or goals manifest. How do we fulfill our destiny? Life can take us off course because shit happens that distract us, and we completely get off course, so what puts us back on course? Sometimes it can be as simple as someone checking you on how fucked up you’ve allowed your life to become and you have a moment of clarity in that moment and it puts you back on path.  But, sometimes you are so far off the path that it takes a lot of struggle, disappointments, and betrayals to finally cause you to break. In that break, you finally come face to face with who you are and what you have become. In that break, you must decide where did it all go wrong. In that break, you must decide if you’re going to get up, go through the pain of seeing ALL that you are, find acceptance in your weaknesses and pride in your strengths, and decide to heal.

As you heal, you test how much you can endure at each stage of the healing process.  It will be slow at first, but little by little you become stronger, yet cautious. You try to ensure that you don’t “break” again.  Healing from a break causes you to focus…become more attentive to the decisions that you make. You have put yourself in a position to start fresh.  It may not be easy at first, and it may seem like you made the worse decision to “break”, but if you TRUST the process Sis, lean on friends and loved ones when you need to, it’ll always work out the way it is supposed to.  We are not here for ourselves, we are here for each other and the more we understand that, the better we all are.  So, you can choose to bend and stay under the stresses of life, even to the point where your nose touches the floor under the pressure, or you can just LET GO, and break…believing that no matter what - you will heal, self-correct, and be back on course.
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~Phoenix~

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    Read the extension of our podcast as hosts, Charli, Kay and Phoenix write about issues concerning woc simply because when you know better, you'd do better. Do better, sis. 

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