“I want to be with you, but I want you to relax your hair”
I have heard and saw discussions about Black men that dislike Black women’s natural hair…you know the hair that grows from our scalp…like theirs. We are the mirror image of Black men and we accept them in their natural state, so why is it a problem for us to rock our hair in its natural state? Hell why the fuck is this still an issue? I’m beautiful and even White men love my natural hair…so why did it bother me so damn much? This man told me that he doubt if his dick would get hard because of my HAIR!!!! My hair y’all!!! What the PHUCK!! When I met this man about 20 years ago, he was just starting his locs, and we know that for the most part, that is not a cute look, but hey, I found him attractive and he had a nice body. We started working out together, he actually got me started working out, and we dated off and on for years. His locs got longer and longer, and I thought they were beautiful, he was beautiful…and I loved the way they smelled (I can smell them now….ahhhhh) he kept them very neat and clean. I used to breathe this man. Anyway, fast forward some years we went our separate ways because of some other bullshit with him, but I won’t get into that, he reaches out to me and tells me he has a surprise for me and to check my phone. I check my phone, and I see the beautiful white straight teeth I’d also found to be so sexy, gleaming behind sexy lips I knew so well….mmmmmm, but on the face of a bald-headed man…well not quite bald headed, but a low haircut. My heart hit the floor, my eyes watered, and I could barely breathe…what the fuck happened to my Black, long loc’d jesus?!!! I was heartbroken…but I got over it…he said he needed to cut them as they were preventing him from getting a decent job…I could respect that. I accepted it and moved forward…he was still the attractive man I was crazy about and I was still physically attracted to him. So that is the backstory. I am angry because this man who now has a receding hairline and couldn’t grow the same looking locs if he wanted to, he dare to tell me my hair is sexually unappealing? He also finds dark skinned women like Lupita Nyong’o unattractive and nappy headed…when he said this, my mouth dropped. How did I not see this 20 years ago?
How did I not see that this beautiful brown man held such hatred for his own people?
I found myself debating about the beauty of Lupita, the poppin’ melanin…the richness of her skin, the strength of her hair…all of this he simply said “I don’t like it, and she’s not beautiful”. I told him he couldn’t want me if he hated my hair, as it is part of me…my crown! He said he wanted the chic he first met, with straight hair. During that time, I rocked the T-boz short, straight, blond look. Then I grew it long, relaxed, and blonde…he loved it. Was it my hair that always had his dick rock hard? Was it my hair that had him burying his face between my thighs? Let me also add that when we first started kicking it, he said he didn’t eat pussy…I told him that if he wasn’t licking it, he damn sho’ was not sticking it…hell that was my thang!! He’s been eating pussy ever since, and even now when we converse he asks can he come eat it…but I would have to tie my hair up. This sounds unbelievable, but it is true.
Why do Black men find Black natural-haired women unappealing? Is it a certain type of Black man? Is it just a preference? Damn, my preference is long loc’d Black men, but if I am DIGGIN’ a guy please believe that the fact that he didn’t have locs would not prevent my pussy from getting wet.
I don’t understand Black men that complain about “Da White Man” this or “Da White Man” that…yet fully embrace all that “Da White Man” tells him is acceptable. Let’s go there for a moment. This is the same White man that tricked you out of your land…the same White man that tricked you into believing that you are the inferior man, the same White man that scared you into submission…no scratch that…beat your ass into submission, and now the White man that is tricking you into believing the Black woman in her natural-haired state is not appealing…yet they find us exotic, beautiful, and yes, they even call us Queens. Hell the Pope kisses the mother and child statues, that are actually Black…he even recognizes who the true ‘Queen mother’ is and she is Black…yet your Black asses have the nerve to say that a Black woman’s natural-hair won’t get your dick hard!!? Get the PHUCK out of here. It is truly sad that I am the reflection of you, yet you don’t like what you see…what is that truly saying? It is said that you know the strength of a nation by the way the men treat their women…and evidently it is true because the Black man that despises his woman is a weak man and our Black nation is suffering because of it.
My hair is beautiful, it coils and reaches for the galaxy, as it remembers from where it came from. Melanin is the Secret of the Universe. Melanin in the Brain increases from the lower primates and reaches its PEAK in the BLACK HUMAN. Black Melanin is the super absorber of Energy and Light… scientist refer to it as the Black hole in the Universe. We don’t know who we are and we don’t recognize the beauty nor power of our Blackness…we continue to resist what cannot be resisted…we continue to find ugly in the beauty of all things Black and that’s a damn shame.
Read the extension of our podcast as hosts, Charli, Kay and Phoenix write about issues concerning woc simply because when you know better, you'd do better. Do better, sis.